Communikasionsmedier

When I was little, we used to play the game “telephone.”  For those of you who do not know what this game consists of, let me iron out the details for you.  If you sit down and one person starts a message from one end of the line and it just gets passed down by word of mouth.  You could whisper, “I’m wearing sweat pants,” and the end message could come out as, “Baboons are yellow.”  Somewhere down the line, the message got mixed up, and it turned into something completely different.

Communication seems to be the root of most of the problems that we experience within our own families and homes. Where we go wrong is within the way that we send our messages and then when they are received.  Based on the person sending the message or receiving it, I don’t think that there is ONE way to communicate correctly.

Every week we had family home evening, and we always talked about how we could do better to communicate as a family.  My dad always said, “We need to communicate better.”  He was right, we were terrible at communicating.  Here’s where I think we struggled, at least I did.  I was always afraid of saying what I REALLY felt or what I REALLY wanted to do. So I would say what I thought everyone wanted to hear, but I would internalize how I really felt and be bitter. Direction came our way, and we secretly complained, but we never said anything.

As I look back, I wish I could have expressed how I felt better and more accurately.  I also wish I listened to what other people had to say too.  I sometimes feel as though I listen to respond, instead of listening to understand.  “First, seek to understand.  Then, seek to BE understood.” 

Communication is a two way street.  I wish I was honest with how I really felt and what I really wanted.  I always just expressed myself based on what other people wanted to hear and I was unable to really hold my own ground and really muster up enough courage to really express myself.  I don’t really know WHY I never felt comfortable with being who I wanted to be or with expressing myself in ways that I should have. 

As I look to raising my own family, and to building relationships with those who are around me, I’m trying to do better about just LISTENING and trying to understand people, before I jump to conclusions and assume things. I know that I’m imperfect with it, but if I work at it, I can be better. 

Til you read again,

-me

Family Business.

Family stress.  If Pinga is stressed, I feel it.  If Matagi is stressed, I feel it.  If Jane is stressed, I feel it.  We feel it ALL, even when we're miles apart.  Their happiness is MY happiness, and their stress is MY stress.

I feel as though I grew up in a home where all we had was each other.  I love my parents to death, and they did the best they could to raise us, and their best was more than enough.  We started going to work with my dad at such a young age, that I feel like it taught us to grow up much faster than the kids around us.  While kids had "play dates" and took "naps" and played with their friends, we played with each other while pulling weeds and took "naps" during the car rides from one house to the next.  At such a young age, we were introduced to this concept of "money," and if we wanted things, we needed to WORK for them.  At a young age, we were taught that NOTHING in this life is free, and you had to work for every last dime!

My dad became a hero in my eyes.  He became this invincible man whom I have grown to respect and love unconditionally.  Nothing could ever happen to him.  As I watched him toss these big cylinder blocks across the yard, I knew he was SUPERMAN.  I watched him throw sod and build houses and these beautiful yards, and he withstood everything.  He scared all my friends because he was this HUGE man with coconuts on the back of his legs also known as calves.  He carried the weight of our entire family on his shoulders, and as the years have carried on, it's starting to show more and more.

Growing older, I look back, and I can see the hard work of my father in the blisters on his hands and the wrinkles throughout his forehead.  I can see the stress of LIFE in the bags under his eyes and the way he holds his back when he walks down the stairs.  It never dawned on me that he would grow old.  It never dawned on me that one day, he isn't going to be here anymore.  It never dawned on me that he was no longer going to be able to lift cylinder blocks or throw sod anymore.  I knew people aged, but not my dad.  He isn't supposed to.  

I reflect on our childhood and the way our family dealt with stress.  I look back and realized that we weren't included in making decisions as a family.  Decision making was left to our parents.  My mom and dad discussed what they wanted to do, and then they included us to execute it.  They didn't discuss money problems with us, financial decisions, emotional stress, etc.  They didn't need us to help make those decisions. And growing up, I didn't worry about how we were going to get our next meal or if we would have running water.  I'm sure, that that was a concern for my parents.  I'm sure that they worried about that stuff, but I never did because they never made me feel like I needed to.  My parents aren't rich, but they made sure that we had everything we ever NEEDED.  

Imagine standing in a huge circle with your family.  Imagine standing holding hands.  And there is someone standing on the OUTSIDE of the circle pulling on the shoulders of one of those family members.  What happens to the circle?  Your grip gets tighter to keep the stress of that ONE family member stable, and you all feel it even though it isn't upon YOUR shoulders.  That is how the dynamics of some families are.  

This is how our family dynamic could be visualized:  We have TWO circles.  My parents are the outermost circle.  They stand hand in hand surrounding the inner circle, which is us kids.  They feel the weight of the world without it effecting the inner circle.  And likewise, as kids, we try not to let them feel OUR stress.  It isn't the IDEAL dynamic, but it works for our family.

I couldn't imagine my life without my family.  All the good, bad, and ugly that comes with them.  The stress, the happiness, the kindness, the selflessness . . . all of it: I LOVE IT.  And I am blessed to call them mine.  They are my FAMILY BUSINESS.  

Til you read again,
-me

InstaPROBLEMS.

We live in a world where social media has replaced all kinds of ACTUAL relationships.  Instagram is the way we preview our competition, Facebook is where we connect with long lost friends and family, Twitter is where we get to vent 24/7 and it is socially acceptable, and Snapchat is a constant update about our lives, because we all know that EVERYONE needs to know that I ate mac & cheese for dinner & everyone needs to know that some random Asian kid from California, whom I have never met, is skateboarding.  We live in a world where we seek acceptance from these virtual worlds, including in our relationships.

I read something somewhere that said:

"I guess our parents stayed together simply because they didn't have 7000 other people following them or liking their pictures at their disposal when their marriage or relationship got hard.  Nowadays when our relationships hit the rocks, we can just log in and get high off this false sense of security and appreciation.  We value our worth based on comments and inbox messages filled with colorful words that have NO depth.  Meanwhile, the person who loves you when there is NO filter on your face becomes an option and the rest of the world who just sees your representation becomes your priority.  Don't lose what is real chasing behind what only APPEARS to be."

I see this on a daily basis, including in my own life.  Earlier today, I was sitting in class and these girls were arguing about how many followers they have on Instagram.  I sat there thinking, "But are you making money off of how many followers you have?  How is increasing your number of followers helping you PROGRESS in this life?"  

I think of how funny it is.  This concept of feeling loved and appreciated based on how many "likes" you get on a picture.  I can testify, that for some reason, there is a satisfying feeling that comes from how many likes I get on a picture, and HOW SAD IS THAT? How sad is it that my self worth is some what based off of how the world sees me, how perfect STRANGERS see me, and it's not even really ME because filters make me look 83420984923x better.  It's a false sense of love and acceptance, and it's sad. 

Take it one step further, and think about all the problems that social media causes in marriages and romantic relationships.  I can tell you now, that social media has been the cause of death for my romantic life.  Hahahahaha.  & I can tell you right now that it has killed two of rommates relationships.  Earlier in the semester, I came home to a yelling match between one of my roommates and her boyfriend.  He said, "If you don't talk to your ex anymore, why is he your bestfriend on SnapChat?"  & They had been dating for 9 months, and because of SnapChat, they are no longer together.  

I feel as though social media can be a blessing AND a curse.  Yeah, it's awesome to see how people from middle school turned out, but then we begin to live in this virtual world where we forget about living in THIS one.    Just think about it.   I loved this video, and I think it really tied everything together for me. 

[Video credits go to Eitakina Fifita.  She was the one who showed it to me.  Love youuuuuuu Eita!]

Til you read again

-me[: