Family Business.

Family stress.  If Pinga is stressed, I feel it.  If Matagi is stressed, I feel it.  If Jane is stressed, I feel it.  We feel it ALL, even when we're miles apart.  Their happiness is MY happiness, and their stress is MY stress.

I feel as though I grew up in a home where all we had was each other.  I love my parents to death, and they did the best they could to raise us, and their best was more than enough.  We started going to work with my dad at such a young age, that I feel like it taught us to grow up much faster than the kids around us.  While kids had "play dates" and took "naps" and played with their friends, we played with each other while pulling weeds and took "naps" during the car rides from one house to the next.  At such a young age, we were introduced to this concept of "money," and if we wanted things, we needed to WORK for them.  At a young age, we were taught that NOTHING in this life is free, and you had to work for every last dime!

My dad became a hero in my eyes.  He became this invincible man whom I have grown to respect and love unconditionally.  Nothing could ever happen to him.  As I watched him toss these big cylinder blocks across the yard, I knew he was SUPERMAN.  I watched him throw sod and build houses and these beautiful yards, and he withstood everything.  He scared all my friends because he was this HUGE man with coconuts on the back of his legs also known as calves.  He carried the weight of our entire family on his shoulders, and as the years have carried on, it's starting to show more and more.

Growing older, I look back, and I can see the hard work of my father in the blisters on his hands and the wrinkles throughout his forehead.  I can see the stress of LIFE in the bags under his eyes and the way he holds his back when he walks down the stairs.  It never dawned on me that he would grow old.  It never dawned on me that one day, he isn't going to be here anymore.  It never dawned on me that he was no longer going to be able to lift cylinder blocks or throw sod anymore.  I knew people aged, but not my dad.  He isn't supposed to.  

I reflect on our childhood and the way our family dealt with stress.  I look back and realized that we weren't included in making decisions as a family.  Decision making was left to our parents.  My mom and dad discussed what they wanted to do, and then they included us to execute it.  They didn't discuss money problems with us, financial decisions, emotional stress, etc.  They didn't need us to help make those decisions. And growing up, I didn't worry about how we were going to get our next meal or if we would have running water.  I'm sure, that that was a concern for my parents.  I'm sure that they worried about that stuff, but I never did because they never made me feel like I needed to.  My parents aren't rich, but they made sure that we had everything we ever NEEDED.  

Imagine standing in a huge circle with your family.  Imagine standing holding hands.  And there is someone standing on the OUTSIDE of the circle pulling on the shoulders of one of those family members.  What happens to the circle?  Your grip gets tighter to keep the stress of that ONE family member stable, and you all feel it even though it isn't upon YOUR shoulders.  That is how the dynamics of some families are.  

This is how our family dynamic could be visualized:  We have TWO circles.  My parents are the outermost circle.  They stand hand in hand surrounding the inner circle, which is us kids.  They feel the weight of the world without it effecting the inner circle.  And likewise, as kids, we try not to let them feel OUR stress.  It isn't the IDEAL dynamic, but it works for our family.

I couldn't imagine my life without my family.  All the good, bad, and ugly that comes with them.  The stress, the happiness, the kindness, the selflessness . . . all of it: I LOVE IT.  And I am blessed to call them mine.  They are my FAMILY BUSINESS.  

Til you read again,
-me